The Dating Profile Guide For Men
Many of my clients are looking to meet someone special, which is fantastic. But, here’s the deal...It’s 2020 gentleman, and the way we meet others will never be the same - especially our significant others.
Online dating is the new norm, and you should learn how to use it. Like Netflix, Uber, Postmates and other innovations that have made our life easier, online dating isn’t going anywhere.
This is actually great news. You have a shot at present yourself in the best way possible and meet others who actually share the same values as you. Plus, you can do it all from the couch. So let’s set up something for you that will reflect the best version of you and get you the partners you want.
There are certain things that are important for a great dating profile to include. If you can do these things, you’re going to have an easy time getting matches and more importantly, the matches that you want.
What Men Should Include in Their Dating Profiles
Create interest
Demonstrate worth
Polarize
Connect emotionally
Keep it easy
Provide a call to action
Seem like a lot? It’s not. These actually all are rolled together, and I’m going to walk you through how to use these things in your profile.
You need to create interest.
You need to intrigue her to learn more about you. A lot of men will spew out endless facts about themselves in their bio like some sort of resume. This is boring and leaves little to be desired. We want her to say “I have to know more” rather than “okay, now I know everything about him”. They don’t need a resume. They need an elevator pitch that leaves them wanting more.
This means holding back. She doesn’t need to know everything about you at once. This is a quick glimpse into your life and you’re making that glimpse as colorful and enticing as you possibly can. It’s like a trailer for a great movie. How boring would it be to find out how the movie ends just from seeing the commercial? Don’t spoil yourself.
Let me give you an example. Imagine having a picture of a cute new cuddly puppy you own on your profile. That’s an easy in for her to ask you:
“Is that your puppy??!”
“Wow, how old is he/she?”
“That dog is so cute, I have to know, what breed it is?”
“What’s that cutie’s (the dog’s) name?”
Want to know how to spoil all this for yourself?
Add this to your bio:
“And for all of you asking, that’s my two-year-old Husky named Oscar. He’s cool”
Great. Now you two can talk about the weather.
You need to demonstrate your worth.
Selling yourself can feel awkward. What makes you a fun, interesting, successful human being? It’s easy to think of your shortcomings here. This is where we say, oh well I’m not successful because I’m not tall enough, I don’t make enough, I’m not interesting enough, etc.
I’ve worked with tons of men who tell me that but upon further inspection, turn out to be incredibly interesting and successful. They were the only ones that didn’t think so. Don’t undersell yourself. Here are some questions to use to probe a bit further and come up with something...
-Do you love your job? Tell me why. Making a lot of money isn’t as important as your passion.
-Have you traveled at all? Do you plan to do more of it? Tell me where and why.
-Are you athletic? Show me. Tell me your favorite way to stay in shape.
-What are your passions? What do you do in our free time? Have you taken any classes? What are you learning and what do you want to learn? We need to communicate that you have some passion for something outside of work.
-What do you do to help others? Do you volunteer? Have you taught anything to anyone recently? Do you mentor?
-What are your values? What is important to you? What can’t you live without?
You need to polarize.
We are not trying to cast our net so wide that you appeal to everyone. This is something that took me a long time to learn in business. I thought I could appeal to and help everyone. This approach wasted my time and sanity. Now, I get to work with clients who I love and who love me, all because I found the people I can and want to serve. Be yourself and the right people will show up.
There is a saying I like: “[In business] when you sell to everyone, you sell to no one”.
Think about your ideal partner. Sell yourself to them.
If you’re not speaking to them, they’re going to find someone that will. Communicating your values, passions, history, etc. helps to connect you with people that share the same characteristics. And it saves you time sorting through matches.
You need to communicate emotionally.
Here’s something that might get me in hot water:
Women communicate more emotionally and men communicate more logically.
Now, I’m not saying women don’t communicate logically. I’m saying that compared to women, men are much more stoic about conveying their emotions. One way I like to put it is this:
Men like to paint in black and white, while women paint with all the colors.
When communicating with women, use words that make them feel something. Use adjectives, tell stories, convey passion. Again we can circle back to earlier points here. Instead of simply listing your job title, tell me what you do and why you love it. Instead of telling me you like travel - tell me your favorite place and why. What was it like? Get them to visualize the place. Get them to visualize themselves with you.
When you’re painting the picture that is your profile, use the whole palette. Bring it to life.
You need to provide a call to action.
Most people like being told what to do. Watch a few commercials. Generally, at the end, they’ll say something like “call now to schedule” or “click here to learn more”. This is what is considered a call to action. When you’re selling to someone, you always want to provide them this next step.
It gives the person the next step to take if they’re interested. In your profile, this doesn’t have to be so straightforward. A lot of times, I’ll pose it as a question.
Maybe you end your profile will one of your interests and say something like “... and I love sushi. Give me your best recommendation in town.” This gives them a clear thing that they can respond to and take action on and gets the conversation going.
You need to take it easy.
Don’t try too hard. This is another reason the profile itself shouldn’t be too long. The main bio section of your profile should only be about a paragraph long, give or take a sentence. Communicate that you’ve put enough effort into this thing to take it seriously, but not so much that you’re desperate.
This is also not the time to air out emotional baggage. If you were hurt by a previous relationship, have mommy issues, or see dead people, this is not the time to talk about it (and it won’t be for a while). Stay positive, light, and easy for now.
Lastly, avoid using too many emojis and exclamation points both in your bio and your messages. It’s the telltale punctuation of the overly desperate. She’s happy to meet you. You’re happy to meet her. You are not “super excited to be chatting with you, Brittany!!!!!”
Tone it down.
\What About Profile Pictures?
Your pictures, like your bio, should lay out a story about you and leave me wanting more. We are visual creatures and your pictures are a huge part of your profile. The photos in your dating profile should get leave a woman attracted and interested, just like the bio.
Think about the photos as backing up the stuff in the bio or vice versa. If you say you spend every weekend outdoors, let’s see you camping. If you’re a gym rat, have the body to prove it. If you’re boasting you’re a millionaire (don’t do this) you better have a private jet in there somewhere.
Here are photos you should never have:
Shirtless selfies.
Really, any selfies.
You with a dead animal you hunted.
You drunk.
You with a bunch of other women.
Any very old or blurry photo.
More than 2-3 group photos.
Any pictures of items (your car, house, etc.)
Your first photo should be your best. You never want to save your best for last. It’s your foot in the door. If your first photo isn’t great, chances are you’ll be passed over and she won’t even get to see your other great photos or the interesting bio you’ve concocted. Your profile photo should be a single shot of you (no groups) of you looking your best. Many times, this will be professional shot, or at least look like it.
Your second photo should be of you doing some sort of activity. Show your passions and what you do. It could be anything - speaking, reading, golfing, sailing, etc. It doesn’t matter. Show your passions.
The third should be a group photo. This is what we call a “social proof” photo. We want anyone looking at your profile to know that you’re not a serial killer and that other people can stand to be around you. Ideally, you want there to be a mix of men and women. These people should also be your more attractive friends. Contrary to popular belief, this actually makes you look more attractive.
The fourth photo should be something athletic. If you have a good physique now would be a good time to show it off. We want to see you being active. Hiking, volleyball, swimming, etc. If you’re not a couch potato, now is the time to prove it.
The remaining photos can be a mix of all the above and anything else you deem appropriate. Just remember: create interest and show value. If you have a pet, this is a great place to put them, if they haven’t made it into earlier photos.
If you don’t have some of these photos, consider having a professional take some headshots for you. You can use them anywhere for the next few years so it’s a good investment. You can also have a friend snap one next time you’re out together doing something.
Summary
Keep it simple, sell yourself by showing your value, and create a compelling and interesting profile to drive her to want to learn more. This is a brochure for you, not a background check.
If you notice, this is a wholistic way to style your profile. All these points work together to paint an attractive picture, using all the colors available to you.
This is actually easy to do. Your bio is only a paragraph or so and when it’s done it’s done. Laying out your profile in the right way can be the difference between meeting your dream parter, or being passed up, all because of the way you communicated yourself. With the right setup, you can have more dates with quality people you’re excited to meet. Get out there and do it.
And while we’re taking care of that, get your copy of the “How To Dress For Your Date” guide I have. It’ll help you nail your look for your upcoming dates so you don’t come off the wrong way. Want to look as attractive as possible? Get it here. It’s free.
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